valley_oak (valley_oak) wrote,

Precious Feelings

When I told my mother she was a hoarder she said "I don't have to take getting my feelings hurt in my own home, it's bad enough having to take it when I'm visiting family." I asked if saying she was a hoarder is what hurt her feelings and she said yes.

My mother never talks about hurt feelings except in a mean sarcastic way in response to me and my precious feelings. It was a weird experience.

I did not back down and told her in a fierce whisper, well you know that neighbor of yours that you says hates you so much, If I were here I'd wait until late one night when I knew you were asleep and then call 911 in a panic and say "I heard something at my neighbors house and I'm concerned for her well being, she's older and lives all alone" and then the police would come and see your house and condemn it because it's that's bad." And then I walked away from her.

Of course we never discussed this again. We never discuss when our feelings have been hurt, except when she is mad at me and lists all the "awful" things I've said and done to her (treating her like a child, treating her like an old lady, telling her what to do, only doing the stuff I want to do, being mean to her in her own home, when my apartment door was kicked in and things were stolen from me I didn't show her enough empathy when she shared all of times she had things taken from her, etc). I on the other hand am expected to suck it up and forget the imagined slights against me. Whatever I say to her is real and hurtful. Whatever she says to me I was overreacting to. She was after all just joking.

Tags: feelings, hoarder, hoarding parent
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